html> Just Stay Out
THE OWNER;

I'm here alone
 thinking about my life,
 remembering the past

hope that it will fade soon
 from my mind.

Hazel Yeo, NP, table tennis

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Friday, February 08, 2008
1:14 AM

while clearing away past sms-es,
ponder onto besti's sms on telling me to do my best in my ***...
yeah again... i fell into my super emo and reflective state...
no, the cause is not the msg...
its the aftermath of that event that cause me to feel this way

infact, i did my ulmost best in it
in which i felt that i was nv once so confident.. speaking so fluently...
u koe wat is disappointment?
its when u koe that u have already done yr very best and SEE that u haf done well than most of others.... feeling great that u were nv believe u could do it....
BUT...................
the end result was... so unacceptable and unconvincing...
the comments given were really... ... ...
can be more clearer and louder....
surely a confident person is able to speak clear and loud
can have more eye-contact...
surely a person who nv read off from her note cards is able to haf better eye contact than those who practically read off from their note cards with no emotions and intonation...
seriously, where is fairness?
i truly felt the disappointment, unfairness, a serge or anger and more....
obvioulsy i didnt let off or show my emotions like how SOMEONE will do to PISS everyone off
glad that someone didnt say smth stupid or irritating to piss me
if not i will explode and my mouth wun be so nice to tolerate your nonsenses!

HAIXXX....
At that point of time, I felt that my self-confidence level was suddenly plunged down to the very bottom
and yet i still have to put on a fake mask, pretending to feel neutral
seriously i feel like acting like that 'someone'... dun EVEN BOTHER abt other's feelings and just say things that will pissed everyone...
and let EVERYONE koes that i am in a super ultra foul mood...
but of course ppl like me who are bettered cultured will not act like those spoilt 千金! @#%*&
seriously, just grow up lar! u're already reaching 18 and u looked bloody OLD pls! so stopped asking ard if u look OLD... CUZ U DO! so just shut up!


seriously....
i feel that they should haf 2 examiners... since they are grading different classes...
since different examiner haf different marking criteria...
also, it will be soOooOOoo much fairer...
no bias-ness or prejudices....

ps: sometimes i hope u were here to experience all these with me,
knowing every details of it, ranting at the same events, person, experiences and etc...
but now, you are no longer beside me
sharing will also be difficult to start...
i have to carry and contain all these alone...
haix... i love blog... u (blog) shall be my 2nd best friend...

living in my own sanctuary.